how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
