you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
