I wish my penis had an off switch
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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