It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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