i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think your dad took our porno
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
