i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
