U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It's like God shit irony all over that family
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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