____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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