Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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