If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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