I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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