I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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