this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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