the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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