she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
