I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
