he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
