Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
