It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
FUCK WHALES
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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