ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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