my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
