Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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