she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I should be sponsored by Trojan
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
