Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
