Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
