I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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