I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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