I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize