3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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