I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
