Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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