Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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