No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
