I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
