help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
