I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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