He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
