a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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