I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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