that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
