Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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