you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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