I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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