She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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