WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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