Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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