after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize