Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
