Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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