im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
