party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize