Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
