They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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