You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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