New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
we're making bets on your personal life
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
