I am puke
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize