u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
