i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
