Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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