Cold hands, warm shart.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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