I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Randomize
