Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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