I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
