so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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